Someday I'm going to run this world while atop a noble steed and then we'll see who's laughing!

I am not very good at Risk. Ever lost Risk in two turns? I have. I’ve seen friendships nearly break up as a result of Risk games going bad. It’s even worse than Monopoly with the amount of hate you seen thrown about. Regardless, never let your friends dissuade you from utter conquest of Asia or Europe, as you can’t take over the world without them. They’re impossible to hold onto, but still.

Risky Business

Risk was the brainchild of one French film director Albert Lamorisse who created the game in 1957 and called it something in French (or “La Conquête du Monde,” which means, naturally, “The Conquest of the World”). Why would someone decide to make a game that revolves around world domination? If you have to ask that question then you’re probably not a man. Every man hopes to someday rule the world with an iron fist and a glorious hat.

A standard game of Risk begins with a group of friends deciding their friendship has reached its limit. A few tears are shed and players are given their share of armies depending on how many total players there are. For instance, a two-player game has each player start with 40 armies, a three-player game has 35, a four-player game has 30, and so on. Each army is represented by a piece that looks like a solider. Cavalry pieces count as five armies and Artillery pieces are 10 armies.

Get used to seeing this because it's gonna be a long night.

Once everyone has their armies they take turns claiming territories to place an army on, just like in real life. Once the world is divided up, players place their remaining armies on their territories as they see fit to fortify them for the inevitable attacks from their former friends. Thus begins the bloodshed.

Like The History Channel Come Alive

The first player decides where he wishes to attack by looking at where his territory touches another and saying he’d like to attack for possession. It never sounds this formal though as most of the time they just scream, “Prepare for battle!” and toss dice in your face. Each turn you are given at least three additional armies to do what you will with, so when he means to tackle a territory, he’ll have some extra firepower to do so with.

These attacks are conducted as follows: The attacker gets up to three dice depending on how many armies he has in a territory. He can only attack with as many dice as one less than the number of armies that he has. The defender gets a die for however many armies he has, up to two. The once-friends roll their dice and compare the highest dice together. One army is lost when you lose a roll. The same goes for the second highest dice rolled. You can keep attacking as many times as you want even if your army is getting destroyed, but you have to stop when all your men are dead (unless ...